I'm Useless Without You
by Enkeli69
Summary: Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes are best friends, and have been for a very long time, but is their relationship based solely on friendship? Or is there something more? -RoyXHughes
1. Chapter 1

"Roy."

"Hm?"

"Roy?"

"What?

"Roy!"

"FOR GODS SAKE, HUGHES, WHAT?!" Roy Mustang shouted, slamming his pen down and glaring at his friend, Maes Hughes.

Hughes huffed, crossed his arms and turned away. "Well, if you're going to be rude, then I don't want to tell you," he said, smirking. He could almost feel Roy's anger rise.

Roy grit his teeth and took a breath. "Just tell me whatever you wanted to tell me," he said, and then added, "please."

Hughes turned around with that shit-eating grin on his face. "Well, since you asked nicely. I was just going to ask if you wanted to go out for a drink after you're done with your paperwork," Maes sat down at the edge of Roy's desk, "you look like you could use a drink or two."

Roy sighed, signed the last piece if paper on his desk and set it aside for Hawkeye. "Yeah, I really could. Thanks," the colonel stood up and went to grab his coat, but Hughes got to it first. He held the coat open, and Roy slipped his arms into the sleeves. "Thank you," he mumbled.

The two men walked down the street and entered a near-by bar. "Two glasses of scotch, please." Hughes ordered. They sat at the bar on two rusty looking bar stools. The bar was old and small, and it smelled of booze and stale peanuts. Music played quietly out of an old record player in the back, it was loud enough for background noise, but quiet enough to have a conversation over. The old bartender, Todd, never changed the volume, and probably never will.

Todd served them their drinks and let them be, if they wanted anything else, he knew they would catch his attention. Hughes took a good look at his friend. They had hardly seen each other outside of work these days, so Maes never got to actually look at him. Roy looked tired. He had bags underneath his eyes, which were red from lack of sleep, and his lips were curved downward into a permanent frown. His shoulders were slumped over and he looked a lot more pale than usual. "You look terrible, Roy," he said finally.

The other man laughed, though it was empty, he didn't even smile with it. It was weird to see someone laugh without smiling; it was actually kind of heartbreaking. "Thanks. Glad to know I look terrible," Roy said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah, and somehow the ladies still love you. I don't get it," Hughes chuckled, taking a sip as well. "Then again, I don't think you've had a date in a while. What's wrong, Roy? Already bang every available girl in Central?" He started to laugh, but stopped when he realized his friend wasn't joining in. Roy gulped down his entire drink, then asked the bartender for another. "Seriously, what's wrong?" Hughes was concerned for his friend; he didn't like seeing him like this.

Roy gulped down his drink as soon as he got it, and forced a smile for his friend. "Nothing is wrong, Maes. I'm ok." His throat burned, and for a second, he wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol, or from the terrible lie he told his friend. He hated lying to Hughes, but he had to.

"Then why no dates lately, hm? I know you've been busy lately, but you've always made time for the ladies."

Roy sighed and ordered another drink, while Hughes hasn't even finished his first. _'Because I'm fucking sick of women,' _Roy thought to himself. "Everybody has a change in priorities, Maes." _'And interests. Everybody changes their interests, right?'_

"What? Seriously? What could make you change so drastically?" Hughes asked.

"Maybe I haven't changed at all. What if this is who I've always been, and I've just been hiding it from everyone?" _'Myself included. This type of thing doesn't happen overnight; I had to have been born this way. I can't believe I've fooled myself for so long.'_

"I guess so. You've always been dedicated to your work, I guess it's about time work was on the top of your list. I don't think you've gone home without finishing your paperwork in weeks. You must be serious about this Fuhrer thing. Isn't that what you want?" Hughes finally finished his drink and ordered another.

_'No, you stupid man, I want you!' _Roy thought, looking away from his friend. The truth of it all was that Roy was keeping himself busy to keep his mind off of Hughes. Being alone with him like this was driving him mad. "Of course. Now, enough of all this serious talk, let's enjoy ourselves, shall we?"

Hughes was glad to hear Roy say that, all he wanted was to make the man smile and forget about work for once.

"How's Gracia?" Roy asked. He forced his voice to sound happy and genuinely curious. He really didn't care how Gracia was, for all he cared she could be lost in the woods somewhere.

Hughes sighed. "She's alright, I guess. We kind of got in a fight, it was stupid. She's worried for my life or whatever, I told her not to worry and she just kept screaming at me that if I loved her and Elicia I would quit or whatever. She doesn't get that it's not that simple, you know?" Hughes took another drink. "I got so mad when she said that, like she had doubt in my love for them. It's ridiculous. I love my daughter more than anything, and saying that was basically accusing me of not loving her. I've been so mad that I've been sharing a room with Elicia, and let me tell you, that little bed is just the worst." Hughes laughed at that.

"You haven't been sleeping in your own bed?" Roy asked. As far as he knew, Maes has never been mad enough to not even sleep with the woman. Roy made a note to himself; do not question the love Hughes has for his family-EVER. Roy, who had started on another drink, was feeling buzzed. "You should just come over to my place. My bed is much bigger than Elicia's." Roy laughed, for real this time. It was probably just the alcohol.

"Could I really? I mean...just for tonight?" Hughes asked. He finished his second drink and didn't order another. He could tell his friend was getting drunk, and one of them had to be sober enough to hold the other up.

Suddenly Roy flung his arms around Maes, almost spilling his drink in the process, "Of course you can! Don't be stupid!"

Hughes chuckled. He liked it when Roy got drunk; he was so much more easy-going. "Thank you, Roy," he said, he really couldn't stand Elicia's bed anymore, but he was still pretty mad at his wife. Well, not mad, really, he was just upset. He understood where Gracia was coming from, and knew that they probably would never fight like that again, and she had even apologized-but still, it stung. It didn't really matter though, because Maes was happy to be spending so much time with his old friend. Hughes was nervous but also excited to share a bed with his friend, maybe after all these years, he'll find out why so many women fell for the Flame Alchemist...


	2. Chapter 2

**-I realize that Roy may be a little OOC, but the man is drunk, so you really can't blame me XD anyway, on with the story!-**

"Maes, I think you are absolutely wonderful. Really, I do." Roy slurred. He and Hughes were now sitting in a booth next to each other, and Roy had just finished his ninth drink, so he was pretty drunk.

"I think maybe you've had a little too much to drink, Roy Boy." Maes said, quickly taking away the drink in front of his friend. "Maybe I should cut you off."

"Hey!" Roy blurted, leaning forward to grab the drink back, but in doing so, he lost his balance(not that he really had much at this point) and fell, face first, into the other man's lap. Roy started giggling uncontrollably. "Okay, you're right."

"Thought so, c'mon." Hughes helped the drunk into a sitting position, and then helped him stand up. He wrapped one of Roy's arms around his neck and supported him as best he could; Roy was hanging off of him like a limp noodle. "I'll pay you double in the morning, okay, Todd?" Hughes called to the bartender.

"Of course, Hughes. Make sure the colonel drinks plenty of water before he goes to bed." Todd said, not looking up from the glass he was cleaning.

"Will do." Hughes walked outside with Roy and headed down the street. It would be hard to find a taxi at this hour, so Hughes decided to just cut through the park to get to Roy's house.

The drunken man was hardly supporting himself, but he was giggling and singing, only being interrupted by the occasional hiccup. "You are my sunshine-_hic_-my only sunshine, you make me happyyyyy when skies are grey_-hic-_you'll never know Maes, how much I_-hic-_love you, so please don't take my sunshine away!" Roy was singing badly and out of tune, but Hughes thought it was sweet.

"Aw, Roy, I love you too." He said laughing. Roy was giggling, and leaning in more to Hughes's body so he wasn't hanging off like a drunken idiot; it made it easier to make sure he didn't fall on his face.

"Thank you for taking me out tonight, Maes, I really needed this." Roy had a smile on his face, and it wasn't forced. He missed spending time with his friend, he's been avoiding hanging out with Hughes alone; he just didn't think he could handle it. So what if he was madly in love with the guy? It wasn't as if Roy couldn't control himself, Maes had a freaking family, Roy couldn't guiltlessly come between Maes and his wife...could he?

"Of course, Roy. I've missed you, you know. I was getting the feeling you didn't like me anymore," he joked.

"That's crazy." Roy slurred. _'It's not that I don't like you, it's that I like you too damn much,' _he thought to himself; he was really glad that he didn't say it out loud, when he's drunk he usually just says any thought he has, he hardly ever keeps anything to himself. "You're my best friend, Maes. How could I not like you anymore?"

"I don't know, maybe you got sick of me talking about how freaking awesome my kid is?"

Roy just laughed. "Your kid is awesome, Maes, she's just like you, just in a cute little princess sort of way. I can't ever get sick of you, Maes. You're my rock; you support me, literally and emotionally. I'm useless without you." Hughes was shocked to hear this sort of confession come from his friend. Even when the man really was useless (rainy days), he would never admit to it, and he would always find a way to be of some sort of use, no matter what, and now he was saying if he didn't have Hughes with him, he would be useless? That was deeper than it should have been.

"Well, that's good to hear, Chief." They finally reached Roy's house, and Hughes had to search in Roy's pocket to find his keys so he could unlock the door. "This place hasn't changed one bit," Maes said. Roy's house was simple. He really didn't have much time to decorate or anything, so the living room just had a couch, a chair, and a coffee table. Since Roy lived alone, he didn't have a kitchen table, he just ate at his coffee table. Hughes practically carried Roy through the house, down the hall and into his bedroom, once he reached the bed, he threw Roy down on it. Hughes helped his friend remove his jacket, then bent down to take off his shoes. "You're lucky I love you, you bastard."

When Maes straightened back up after taking off Roy's shoes, Roy reached out, grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled Maes down, crushing their lips together. Maes opened his eyes wide with shock, then, slowly he relaxed and kissed back. They kissed for a minute before they pulled away from each other, breathing heavily. "Maes..." Roy said, then, all the alcohol in his system finally caught up to him, and he passed out.

"Oh my god." Maes said to himself. "Holy shit." He moved Roy in the bed so that he was lying in a comfortable position, and put him under the covers. after taking off his boots and jacket, Hughes joined Roy in the bed. When Roy felt Hughes enter the bed, he turned over and snuggled close to his friend, his unconscious body wanting to be near the warmth. Hughes was still a little freaked out, but he wrapped his arms around Roy, unable to deny his friend the comfort he desired. He was trying to convince himself that Roy didn't really kiss him, and that he had imagined it, but deep down he knew that it actually happened; Roy really did kiss him…and he had kissed back. Maes sighed heavily, disappointed in himself. Sure, there was a time, long ago, when Maes had certain emotions for the dark haired man, but that was before him and Gracia really got serious. That was before he had a child. Then, he never would have thought that Roy could ever have the same feelings for him, but now…now he was just confused. Hughes decided to just forget about it; tonight had been a good night, and he wasn't going to let one strange, drunken kiss ruin that…


	3. Chapter 3

**-Again, I know there is some OOC, but it's for the sake of my story. Reviews would be nice. Thanks for reading! :) -**

"Rise and shine, Colonel!" Roy opened his eyes, only to shut them immediately. His curtains, which were usually shut, were wide open, allowing sunlight to spill into the room.

"AH! God damn it, shut the damn curtains!" Roy snapped. When he heard the curtains shut, he opened his eyes. Maes was standing in front of him with a tray of food in his hands.

"Sit up so you can eat your breakfast." Maes ordered. Roy sat up in the bed, and Maes put the tray on his lap. On the tray was a plate full of waffles, bacon and eggs, which was all assembled into a cute little breakfast smiley face. There was also a cup of orange juice and two headache pills. "Well, don't just sit there and stare at it, eat. I worked really hard on that breakfast."

"You didn't have to make me breakfast." Roy looked up from the beautiful display of food to look at his friend. Maes was wearing the black t-shirt that he wears under his uniform, and what seemed to be a pair of Roy's sweatpants. His hair was ruffled up a bit, but other than that, he looked as gorgeous as ever. Damn him.

"Yeah, I did. I'm so used to making breakfast for Elicia. It would feel weird if I didn't make breakfast like I always do." Hughes said, shrugging.

"That explains the smiley face."

"Oh, no, I did that especially for you. Elicia only likes scrambled eggs, you see, so you can't exactly make a good smiley face with them. You, on the other hand, like your eggs sunny side up, which is exactly the perfect thing to make eyes with, and obviously bacon is the ideal thing to use for the smile. You've been really frowny lately, so I thought I would start your day off with a smile." Hughes flashed a smile, and Roy felt his heart melt. Maes knew how Roy liked his eggs. He made a grown man a smiley face breakfast, and it was probably the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for him.

Roy smiled back at his friend, his _best _friend, the man whom he's grown so fond of, it was a true smile, and it came with ease, without alcohol. "Thank you, Maes." Roy took the two pills and washed them down his throat with a few gulps of orange juice. "I hope I didn't do anything too stupid last night." He said laughing a bit

"You don't remember?" Hughes asked, sitting down in the bed next to Roy.

Roy took a big bite with a little bit of everything in it. It was delicious. "No, not really. When I drink a lot, I tend not to remember anything after the seventh drink or so. What happened? I didn't act like a fool, did I?" Roy was suddenly concerned, what did he do last night?

Maes saw the worried look on Roy's face, and decided against telling him the truth. "No, of course not. You just dedicated the song, 'You are My Sunshine' to me." Maes laughed, then stopped when he saw his friend blushing.

"What?" Roy asked, feeling self-conscious under Maes' stare.

"You're blushing." After Maes pointed that out, the Flame Alchemist's face flushed an even deeper shade of red. He looked away from Maes, trying to hide his face.

"Am not." He shoved another bite of food in his mouth and chewed slowly, avoiding conversation and eye contact with the man next to him.

"Roy." The colonel ignored Hughes, even though he loved the soft way the man said his name. Hughes sighed in frustration. "Roy," Maes grabbed Roy's face and made the man look at him. "You kissed me last night."

Roy's eyes grew wide, "What? Oh my god, Maes, I'm sor-" a warm pair of lips cut Roy's apology short.

It ended just as fast as it started. "Don't apologize, Roy, it's not your style. Now finish your food." Hughes got up off the bed and started to walk out of the room.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hughes!" Maes stopped at the firm, professional tone of Roy's voice. He turned around and smiled innocently at his friend; Roy had put on his 'Colonel face.'

"Yes, Colonel Mustang?" Hughes' tone was mocking.

Roy moved the tray of food off his lap, stood up and walked over to Hughes. "What the hell makes you think I am going to let you walk away after that?" Roy grabbed Hughes by the back of his neck and connected their lips together in a hot, hungry kiss. Maes reacted immediately, kissing back the other man with just as much passion.

This feeling for his best friend was confusing to Maes, he didn't know why he was doing this, or why he liked it, he just knew that doing this with Roy felt right; it was nice and it made him happy. Roy broke away from the kiss and looked Hughes dead in the eye. "You are My Sunshine, that song, my mother used to sing it to me." He said, "I barely remember it, but I remember feeling so happy and safe and _loved. _That song means a lot to me."

Hughes smiled and hugged Roy. "That's cute, and I'm really happy that you shared something so personal and special with me."

"...I'm not gay."

"Neither am I," Hughes said simply.

"...but...I still want you. I know that I shouldn't, and I know you love Gracia and you have a family, and I'm just some old friend that can't settle down, and your wife hates me...but...I still want you, and I can't stop wanting you. I won't."

Hughes looked Roy in the eye, and then kissed him softly. "You mean so much more to me than you will ever realize."

"Maes?"

"Yes, Roy?"

"I'm going to tell you something," Roy said, looking Hughes in the eye, "and I've never said this to anyone before, so it might sound a little silly." He bit his lip, which was his way of showing Maes that he was nervous.

"Okay, say it then." Hughes said, tucking a piece of raven-black hair behind Roy's ear. He caressed Roy's cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb over Roy's smooth skin.

"Maes I...I'm in love with you." As soon as the words left his mouth, Roy felt a weight lift off his chest. He's been holding this in for a while now. Whenever he saw Maes, he was overwhelmed with this feeling he's never felt before in his life, and he realized that it must be love.

"You don't love me, Roy. You can't" Hughes said sadly, this couldn't work, no matter how much he wanted it to at this very moment. He had to remember that he was a married man with a child now. He had a very special place in his heart for Roy, of course, but he had to think of things logically. Hughes saw that fire that he knew so well light in Roy's eyes, and he knew he'd said something to piss him off.

Roy slapped Hughes' hand away from his face. "Don't tell me what I can't do, Hughes." Then, for the first time ever, Maes saw that fire die completely. Roy shut his eyes and turned his head to hide it, but Maes already saw. Roy gulped, holding back his emotions, and said, "First time I tell someone I love them, and mean it, and I get completely shut down." Roy wasn't used to rejection; in fact, he was more accustomed to doing the rejecting. This was the first time he'd ever felt the pain of not being able to have what he wanted.

Maes' eyes softened, he'd never seen Roy look so...defeated. He looked like he was going to give up on everything in life or something. He hated seeing his friend like this. He tried to hug him "Roy-"

The Flame Alchemist pushed Hughes away from him "No, Maes, I don't want your pity, I still have some fucking dignity." He tried to make his voice sound big and angry, but his treacherous emotions got the better of him, and his voice ended up cracking as a pitiful sob escaped. He wasn't going to cry about this, he was a man, he couldn't cry over something so miniscule; that was something women did, not Colonels looking to become Fuhrer.

He couldn't even look at Maes, it pissed him off that the man was within his reach, but was completely unobtainable. Perhaps he was acting like a spoiled child being told no for the first time, but he didn't care. He decided to just let the tears fall, he couldn't fight them anymore; he hadn't cried since he tried killing himself years ago...

Maes' heart broke at the sight of his best friend in tears in front of him. He hadn't seen the man like this since... Pushing the thought of Roy's attempted suicide out of his head, Maes tried hugging Roy again, succeeding this time because the man was too defeated to fight it. Roy hid his face int he chest of the man he cared so much about. He was embarrassed; he never wanted Maes to see him like this again. "I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be, Roy," Maes said, letting his own tears fall now. "Please know that I wish I could, but I can't"

Roy pulled himself out of Maes' grip and wiped his eyes. "I know. You have a family, a wife you love and a child you can't get enough of. I'm sorry that I am so pathetic. I'm almost thirty years old and still not settled down. What does that say about me?"

Hughes forced his friend, his best friend, back into his embrace. "It says you are ambitious. You have been working so hard, Roy. You are fighting to be in the position Bradly is in, and you are fighting to keep those Elric boys out of too much trouble. You may not have a wife and kids of your own, but you have so many people depending on you, those Elric boys need you. You gave Edward the fire he needed. Didn't you say he was pathetic, wasting away in a wheelchair when you found him? Look at him now! The youngest State Alchemist ever! BECAUSE OF YOU! You are a greater man than I could ever be, Roy." Both men were in tears now, Roy with his face in Maes' chest, and Maes with his chin resting on Roy's head.

"I'm so sorry, Maes, I never intended for this to happen." Maes said nothing, he just held Roy in his arms, softly cooing in his ear to calm him down. For the first time in a long time, Maes Hughes was afraid, he was afraid to lose his best friend, not just because it would be hard to act normal after all of this, but because Roy's eyes looked so empty, so helpless-Maes was scared that Roy would try to kill himself again...and that was something that he couldn't let happen...ever.

After a moment, Roy pulled away, sniffing and wiping his tears. He wasn't usually the type to cry, but then again, neither was Maes. "You should probably go," Roy said. He was afraid that if Hughes stayed any longer, he wouldn't be able to refrain from kissing, touching, or caressing him the way he wanted to.

Maes frowned; he didn't want to leave Roy alone. "Are you sure?" he asked, not really wanting to leave, but if it was what Roy wanted, then he would go. Roy nodded, not looking at the other man. "Okay…I'll see you around, then," Hughes said, leaving the house. He knew he would have to get back to Gracia, accept her apology, and have everything be normal again, but as he got closer to his own home, his guilt grew. He would have to tell Gracia.


End file.
